What a year it’s been so far!
We’ve seen…suicide exploited and monetized; nuclear
threats tweets and the assurance of being, like, really smart; corporations, celebrities, and internet-celebrities alike pitted against one another in a battle royale of digital outrage; and on a more personal note somebody toucha my spaghet! Can you believe it? It hasn’t even been a week and we have already achieved maximeme dankness for 2018, if not our entire lives.
On December 31st 2016, we resolved to make 2017 kick 2016’s ass, but instead it kicked ours. So on December 31st 2017, we said for real this time. But on January 6th 2018 I say fuck it. Shit went off the rails a while ago, so we just gotta lean into it at this point.
National-, International-, and Internet-drama aside, 2018 is probably going to be a year of personal do-overs for a lot of folks, myself included, my second do-over, in fact.
Over the past 5 years, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and a lot about what I thought I knew about myself, and a lot about how I think about what I know and think about myself…you get the idea. Self-awareness can be a painful state of being, but it can also, of course, bring enlightenment and, more importantly, action. I’ve been paralyzed with fear for 2 years now, and over the past few months, I’ve been attempting to claw my way out of this paralysis, and it’s working.
A little over a month ago, I finished tapering off of Effexor, a real doozie of an anti-depressant with a withdrawal period I wouldn’t wish on…well, I actually can think of a few people I would wish it on, but that’s beside the point. The point is: I finally feel like myself again. There are still some times where I find myself crying very liberally over a Disney “I Want…” song, but for the most part I’m back to average-level Hillary neuroticism.
But like a new-born baby horse trying to make sense of gangly so-called “legs,” so must I readjust to having my executive functioning restored. I have to reinvent the wheel in many aspects, and I appreciate the world’s patience with me as I clumsily try to re-enter it after suddenly and ungracefully pulling out. This means a lot of productivity tools downloaded and abandoned; a lot of color coding, and dry-erasing, and note-leaving, and reminder-setting; a lot of time wasted catching up on trends and pop culture references, then getting exhausted at the sheer wall of digital information bestowed upon us at any given moment; and hopefully it means even more blogging and content creation. I know that’s, like, the third time I’ve promised that, but for real this time.
What will January 7th hold in store for me, and you, and all of us? I’ll be sure to stay tuned to find out…